So I don't know if you've been paying attention in the last week, but Sony finally did an ultra-mega Q and A about the PS4.
Here it is. It's not going to be the greatest novel of our time but it sure does shed some light on a few things that people have been needlessly arguing over specs and other trivialities.
http://blog.us.playstation.com/2013/10/30/ps4-the-ultimate-faq-north-america/#sect1
So you can pick up your good old Pee-Es Quatro in late November or next week if you're a Yankee-doodle.
I bet you can't wait to get it home and load it up. The menu looks great, it really does! Let's see if I can put a theme on it to make it look cooler.
"Sorry buddy, no dynamic themes on the PS4." - Sony
Well that's ok. I don't mind. Hey, my friends are coming over! I'll put on that new CD I just got! I'm so glad I can rely on the PS4 since my laptop crashes constantly and my MP3 player is somewhere in the bedroom but I can't be bothered to find it.
"Bad luck pal, audio CD's won't work on the PS4. So you can't burn the discs onto the machine and listen to them whilst you play."
Sounds a bit strange. Oh well, I'm sure I can have fun online.
"Paid online." - Sony.
Well, you've got servers to run. I can't expect you to be a charity can I? Hey, why won't Elder Scrolls Online work?
"Paid subscription." - Sony.
I don't get why I have to pay three times in order to play a game but I guess I can enjoy talking to my friends whilst p-
"No headset currently available at launch apart from the one you get in the box which is traditionally awful." - Sony.
"I might pick up WatchDogs or DriveClub tom-"
"Delayed until mid-2014." - Sony.
Any other games I can pick up at launch?
"Two triple A games which you got with the packaged set, several indie titles that have been available for a while and a couple of games for the PS3 and 360." - Sony
Well, these graphics look great. I can really tell that's it's ten times more powerful that a PS3. Hey, why aren't my PS3 games working?
"The PS4 is not backwards compatible with PS3, PS2 or PSOne games." - Sony.
You said it was at E3.
"We meant that you can pay to have your games transferred over from the PS3." - Sony.
Oh. You didn't make that clear. At all. Then why won't the discs work?
"It's too complicated. You can't possibly understand it. It's all... er....to do with the system architecture.Yes that's it." - Sony.
They're both Blu-Ray discs that can burn information onto the console, I don't understand.
"Look, it's hard for us as well. It's not as if we're trying to shill you for more money." - Sony.
How much will it cost?
"10 dollars and only works with some of the games." - Sony.
I just paid sixty bucks for Ghosts/BF4/Ass Creed: Black Flag. I don't get why I have to pay you ten dollars.
"All of the money goes into making innovative games that you couldn't get on the PS4." - Sony.
I'm pretty sure I could play Flower on a PS3.
"Are you a game developer?" - Sony.
No. Sorry.
"It's ok. I'll forgive you this time. I'm very forgiving, you know." - Sony.
I don't understand why you have to make me feel bad though. Why can't you explain everything simply? If I'm getting confused, how do you think lots of your other customers are going to feel? Do we just throw our hands up and proclaim that game design is witchcraft or some sort of strange alchemy that we're not allowed to understand.
"That. Exactly that. Do that right now." - Sony.
Oh.
"Hey, cheer up! You can play your used games! Isn't that great?!" - Sony.
That should probably be a right, not a privilege.
"You're an entitled gamer." - Satan's Only Nuisance Yes-Men.
Okay. I best shut up and play. This must be the way forward. I trust a corporation to know what's in my best interests. Hey, can I do that thing you demo-ed at E3 where I can switch between games?
"What do you think?" - Sony.
I can't can I?
"We're sorry to say that this feature is currently unavailable at launch." - Sony.
The controller light bar is reflecting off the screen and it's distracting.
"You'd better believe that there's no way to turn that off." - Sony.
My PS4 won't stand vertically properly.
"Because you haven't bought our 15 - 30 dollar stands." - Sony.
My PS3 controller
"is now redundant and won't work with the PS4, yes." - Sony.
But why?
"Oh, did you make this console?" - Sony.
No, I didn't. I didn't make this console at all but guesswork shows that-
"You didn't make it. You keep quiet and you use it. And don't you dare try to change the way it works." - Sony.
I didn't want to until you started needlessly removing features.
"Have you been living under a rock since 2005? Who uses audio CD's?" - Sony.
My Blu-Ray remote isn't working.
"We're not letting it." - Sony.
I'm sure I don't need any of those things anyway. I'm not ancient. I'm cool and hip. I'll press the share button and it's.... it's doing nothing.
"Oh, that doesn't work at launch." - Sony.
The share button won't work at launch? But that was cited as a main feature. You have to-
"We don't have to do anything." - Sony.
I've got my musicunlimited subscription so I can listen to music whilst I play, even though I used to do that with burned and synced CD's anyway.
"Don't dwell on the past." - Sony.
Hey, can I still use that music visualiser with the massive HD planet earth and the fun mountain waves that moved in time with the music?
"Of course you can't. This is the PS4, not the PS3." - Sony.
Can I at least play MP3's? You said they were ok, right?
"Nope. Not allowed." - Sony
Ok. Fine. I'll play for a month. The share button will make this much more fun.
===============================================================
Hey, why isn't it working now?
"Oh, the devs don't like you recording that because it's a part of the game with spoilers." - Sony.
But I could record them with a camera phone, why aren't you letting me record them with this? How does this make any difference at all?
"Do you enjoy ruining other people's fun?" - Sony.
You're right. It's for the best. I'd best post this video on-
"No videos on YouTube right now. Only Facebook." - Sony.
I don't want to share them on Facebook.
"Ok, that's fine. You don't have to." - Sony.
Can I ask why?
"Are you a major games developer or well-known journalist?" - Sony.
No.
"No." - Sony.
I'm going to be straight with you in case you haven't got the point already. A console is not superior if it has fewer features than its predecessor. That's just the definition.
And the worst part is that we can't debate any additional feature that's been blocked, scuppered or adapted.
If you want to record all of the game, including parts of the endgame you're "spoiling it for everyone."
If you can't afford to buy an expensive console, an expensive game and pay two subscription fees you're "poor" and should "get a job."
If you want to play audio cd's you're "hipster", "old fashioned" or "backward."
I'm not saying that the PS4 should play CD's you crazy fanboy mongoloids.
I'm asking why it can't.
Why CAN'T I play audio cd's?
Why have you NOT included dynamic themes?
Why am I DISALLOWED when it comes to PS3 peripherals?
All I need to hear is:
"We're saving space. It sucks I know, but we had to make the decision."
"Dynamic themes weren't used as much as we'd hoped. We cut it out to save money."
"I'm not going to lie, we wanted you to buy another controller along with the machine."
"We can't get PS3 discs to work. Let me open up the box and show you exactly why you can run PS3 games from cloud storage but not from a disc."
And then I'd shut up. I'd take that answer and whilst I wouldn't be happy, I'd at least be satisfied that there was some justified reason behind the removal of a feature.
Should anyone in the world who asks the question of "Why" be met with derision and insults?
"It's 720p. Get over it."
"It's not backwards compatible. Stop thinking in the past."
"Of course you have to pay for online. Those dedicated servers aren't going to pay for themselves."
"Ok." leaves us with shitty launch titles, inferior hardware, firmware and software, poorly designed products built for the eyes to look at rather than play, badly optimized games and an uninformed gaming public who are blindly faithful to a brand in a way that would make the religious roll their eyes.
"Why." leaves us with maybe we could improve, let's give this a go, we haven't tried approaching it this way and well, progress.
Don't be mistaken, marketers will lie to you. They're trying to sell you a product, not invite you back to their pad for tequila and backrubs.
The Xbox One has been re-announced three times because marketers weren't how sure just how hard to push their console. And remember, it's absolute pants and has less processing power than the PS4 despite the fact it's a hundred dollars more. (That part is a fact, not up for dispute or bargaining.) Why the fuck would they be honest with you when the marketers are working with a goddamn lemon to begin with? It's not the fault of the designer or maker either. They were presumably told to cut corners up top and hope they wouldn't be noticed by the general public.
I've spent this entire blog slamming Sony's PS4 and I know that the Xbox One will look far worse when it eventually comes clean.
Stop being a sucker and ask some questions.
Otherwise the industry is on the way out.
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