Canis Canem Edit is a game by Rockstar that is colloquially known as "Bully" and universally known because Pewdiepie played it. Which, in turn, is because enforced sterilisation is long since overdue in most Western countries.
But I'm not here to preach the word of genocide. I shouldn't have to. After preaching about this game and extolling its many virtues, you should be ready to cause genocide in at least twelve countries because modern game development will never allow a game of this calibre to be created again.
But what it is Bully?
In short, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas/ Vice City in an incredibly condensed and fun package, set through the eyes of a kid instead of an adult.
You play as James "Jimmy" Hopkins, a teenager who is sent to a mandatory private school called Bullworth Academy. As he settles in, he befriends Gary, a megalomaniac teen with severe ADHD and numerous other problems, obsessed with taking over the school.
I still remember my first initial thoughts when I first got this game.
"I don't want to play as a ginger delinquent."
But the thing is, you're not.
Jimmy is actually kind of affable in a strange way, as he goes around uniting the different school factions of Nerds, Jocks, Preppies, Greasers, Townies and Bullies. Each faction represents a different chapter of the story and all have different strengths and weaknesses. Nerds are weak but have weapons such as bottle rocket launchers that will happily take away three-quarters of your health. Preppies are champion boxers and cannot be knocked down. Jocks are almost impossible to take on in hand-to-hand combat. Greasers have a habit of chasing you on bikes, Bullies have much more aggressive and therefore easy to knock down and Townies are a bit of a mixed bag.
You also have to attend classes to unlock various things.
Well, you don't have to. But if you get caught by a prefect whilst Truanting, he'll ship you straight off to lessons. If you're on a mission, the mission is auto-failed, so it's wise to complete your classes so that you have more time to explore Bullworth, Bullworth Vale, New Coventry and the many other in-game locations that open up as you progress through chapters.
Eat your veggies before you have your dessert, but do tell us how many veggies you usually like first so this feels like a challenge but doesn't feel like a chore.
Good. Game. Design.
After you complete side missions to help a clique and increase/decrease various reputations, the main missions will open up which usually end in a boss fight with the head of the clique, who was usually lied or misled by Gary into thinking you've been plotting against them.
Of course, Jimmy is just trying to get by. He doesn't have the mental capacity to plot, but is smart enough to know all the right ways to defend himself.
I think this really appealed to me in someway. In Bully, I wanted to hate Gary, but he was just so thoroughly conniving that I couldn't help but chuckle after he turned up at the rich head preppies house and told him how Jimmy had said that "he had six toes because of all the incest in his family and that he has twelve hermaphrodite sisters."
Meanwhile, poor James has no clue what hermaphrodite even means but knows he's in severe trouble as the gates lock behind him.
The missions are varied, and offer up some great challenges from mini-games to cycling races, to delivery quests to tactical fighting and often leave you to determine the best way to solve them.
For example, in the boxing mission, with Thad hiding behind a bar and summoning goons every two minutes, I realised that it was nigh-impossible/incredibly difficult to knock him down until I knocked two wooden bars over the door, stopping him from summoning henchmen
Another mission only ended once you'd "lost the pursuers." but had the option to stay and beat them all into the concrete instead.
That, is good level design in my books.
Right at the end, in the final mission, there is a boss rush of every clique leader which you, along with the clique leader for the bullies, fight and beat up. Then you go after Gary.
After you complete the game, there are still collectibles to be found and classes to attend for hours and hours and hours. These unlock even more stuff to use.
There are also hidden items, bonuses, secrets and many more little tidbits of the bygone PS2 era. (Nine years ago.) You can even customise Jimmy with clothes, haircuts, masks and tattoos that you either unlock or buy with cash you get from running the hundreds of errands that pedestrians will often ask you to do.
It's lively, it's great, it's £3.99 on PSN.
