Video Game Discussion: Oculus D-Rift-ing Away.

Okay, let's summarise what's just happened.

The guys behind Oculus Rift who got about 2.4 million for their project, an immersion headset to be used for video games have sold out to Facebook for- Stop thinking it's two billion dollars- $400,000,000 dollars and 2.3 million in Facebook shares plus bonuses of about $300,000,000.

(Thank for the correction, Miles.)

I have no idea what's happening to the people who donated money towards the Kickstarter. Presumably shafted. Unfortunately, that's what seems to have happened.

So let's get a few things out of the way. Zuckerberg didn't do this because he wanted everyone to be using his website. He has little or no motivation to get in the way of its development to that extent.

He's certainly not the sugarplum fairy in terms of business ethics, but it seems as if Zuckerberg is throwing himself behind the project just so he could catch on the wave.

The parties, concerts, publicity, fun. He doesn't necessarily think it's a good product, but he knows it's a lucrative project just from the hype generated. There's a difference.

However, the Oculus Rifts days as a game machine might very well be over.

Sony is probably having a mini-panic attack right about now. Project Morpheus (pictured below) was Sony's own Virtual Reality (VR) machine that they'd suddenly decided to throw on the table earlier this month.

Now suddenly the Oculus has much, much, much, much, much, much more money behind it than Sony's Project Morpheus.

The Oculus was designed to be a peripheral for the hardcore videogamer. Mark seems to have other plans for the deigned machine. (I love that word. Deigned.)


http://www.businessinsider.com/zuckerberg-why-facebook-bought-oculus-2014-3

He wants it to be a social hubpoint with advertisements and virtual purchases.

Dead. Called it.

It's dead. Gone. Completely ruined.

Palmer Luckey took to Reddit to assuade the people about how the project is going to get much better with its increased funding and insists that he still has full control of the startup. I don't go on the site myself, but I saw screengrabs of people who had dropped up to seven hundred bones on the project only to have their investment go up in smoke.

Palmer even said that the Oculus would have been abused when it went to market if it wasn't taken by Facebook. I can believe that, but you've screwed over the people who invested. On an indie project. Which is now owned by a multinational corporation.

I mean Jesus. Is there any hope, Notch? After all, you were the top backer for this project.

"We were in talks about maybe bringing a version of Minecraft to Oculus. I just cancelled that deal. Facebook creeps me out." - Notch.

(Embedding tweets seem to be impossible, but by darn it's there.)

http://notch.net/2014/03/virtual-reality-is-going-to-change-the-world/

Oh, someone who has no qualms making money in just about any way has hit his moral limit.

Nope. It's fucked. Abandon ship.

 

 

Video Game Review: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. (Part 2/3)

I swear I said I'd do one later in the week. In early 2013. And then never mentioned it ever again.

 

I'd like to talk about Skyrim some more and try to flesh out this game as much as possible. In this segment we're going to be talking about professions. Alchemy, Blacksmithing and Enchanting.

You can also cook, but there's little incentive to actually do that apart from minor health and stat buffs.

Anywho, Skyrim's crafting system is one of the most intuitive you can find in any RPG. Any purists who claim that Skyrim is an Action-Adventure title and that its easy-to-navigate menus and lack of a bazillion different stats locks it out of true RPG status can go sit in the corner. I'm not having that nonsense today.

Granted, it was easy to break the entire game by making potions that helped your enchanting, enchanting equipment that helped your alchemy skill and repeating that a few times, but that's all part of the Elder Scrolls fun.

 

 

You could make equipment that would allow you to pick up anything without getting over encumbered.

 

 

 

 

 

Make a sword that can kill everything. Rename the weapon something dumb. Make gloves that can punch enemies over mountains. Make a crossbow or bow that will cause so much damage that the enemy will be catapulted upon impact. Make items that increase your barter skill to levels where shopkeepers will give you thousands of gold if you sell them a single tomato.

 

 

The options are seriously endless.

 

And it's not patched out because it's not a glitch. It's a fair use of game mechanics.

 

I like that. In a competitive multiplayer game, you'd be banned if you found a way to break the game.

 

In Skyrim, it's fine.

 

That's probably why I prefer these kind of titles to shooters. Less restrictions.

 

And I can never say no to Todd Howard's magical smile, a smile that's been with the Elder Scrolls games since the start.

He once said that developers should ignore demographics and installed, and follow their passions, saying “if install base really mattered, we'd all make board games, because there are a lot of tables.”


What a guy.

 

 

 

Video Game Review: Titanfall.

Titanfall is a game that does a lot right, most noticeably the removal of camping. Since there are enemy as NPC's well as the actual opponents running around the battlefield, there's little incentive for people to sit in corners being assholes.

 

 

I was lucky enough to have a play around with Titanfall at my friend Murray's house.

After playing the quick tutorial that runs you through the basics of pilot training and running around in a Mech, you can jump straight into multiplayer and start shooting people in the face.

It's actually pretty hard. However, map navigation is less of a problem given that you can get around by double jumping from building to building which is incredibly fun. Wallrunning mixed in with existing game mechanics makes this a game of skill. This is both fun and rewarding.

In terms of graphical fidelity, the games textures look relatively crisp and there would be a clear contrast if put alongside a PS3/Xbox 360 title. There is, of course, a mild bloom effect which leaves the trees looking ever so slightly whitewashed in one particular level, but that's all I really have to complain about on the graphical/pretty side of things.

Piloting a Titan is incredibly enjoyable, especially with the ability to customise your loadout. I was a bit concerned about that lack of model varieties as it seems to current stand at a staggering three different Titan meshes.

I said to Murray that I wished for the ability to paint and customise sections of the Titans, making chunky ones with tiny legs of one with tiny heads built like a tank.

Basically, I wanted to build Bumblebee.

Or Jetwing. Or Optimus Prime.

When my good friend told me how I should play a Transformers videogame if I wished to do that, I simply rolled my eyes and emphatically expressed how it wouldn't be the same. I needed to make a Transformer in a non-Transformers game in order for it to be fun and/or enjoyable.

My friend also asserted that making a custom titan out of individual components would be hard for the developers to properly balance. I conceded his point, given the incredibly detailed single player that had been made for the game. It is pictured below.

So that's why I have a hard time letting the devs off on this one. There is no single player. Whenever Robot-Man showed up in the corner of my screen, telling me that my Titan was online in two minutes, I asked Murray who he was and he had no choice but to shrug. When African-General-Man insisted that we all pull together and win the match, my emotions were not particularly riled because I have no idea who he is, what I am doing, what my motivation is, where I am, where all these robots have come from, the story behind my surroundings and environment and much more.

And this is where you decry me as being too story-oriented in a game which should be intensely focused on a gameplay element as it's solely multiplayer. And that's where you're right.

I am just too old fashioned at the grand old age of twenty.

Back in my day, a solely multiplayer game was a tech demo.
Back in my day, big-head-mode and colour palette alterations were an integral part of the game or hidden cheats instead of downloadable content that would have cost the cost of a brand new gamein small micro-transactions.

My friend let me load up Project Spark and I was dismayed to find 75% of the content was micro-transactions. For a beta. Not even an actual game yet.

I get so jaded sometimes.

But shooting things in a robot makes things a little bit more ok.

And it's the Y button to kick and the baddies explode into red goo.

That's kinda cool.

Video Game Discussion: New Consoles.

I feel the need to address the fact that I do not own a PS4 or an Xbox One and still consider myself a video game commentator.

Why? Because people keep inboxing me on Facebook and asking me which new-gen console is the best for them.

Stop asking me that bloody question.

My own opinion is that there isn't one, because both the Xbox One and PS4 have weak libraries, release titles that have been panned, an online paywall for the Xbox One's main features and you still have ads, a less invasive online paywall for the PS4 and no backwards compatibility.

I don't support them. I won't, and I physically can't. I feel it supports the systemic eraser of console history in the pursuit of mild graphical enhancements. That's pretty bad.

Now onto my main point, disregard everything I say about consoles. Everything. Even the stuff I've just said.

Who the hell am I to tell you what to do with your money? Some random dude on the internet! I'm not here to tell you, I'm here to inform. There's a gossamer thin line, people.

The fact that there are people who are genuinely so confused about which console is better that they feel compelled to ask me how they should spend hundreds of pounds/dollars/rupees/whatever is worrying.

If you're basing that decision on what I think, me, Charlie Chitty, then you're not making decisions right.

I do not matter. At all. One bit. Nada. Zip.

However, if you have a quick Google or YouTube, you can find out much more about the Xbox One and PS4 and can then make an informed and knowledgeable decision rather than just getting one and feeling the compulsion to defend it simply because it was your choice. (Trust me, buyers remorse is not something that happens when you drop hundreds on an item. You'd instead start nitpicking nice bits about it.)

I mean, the other day I was in GAME and was talking to my friend who's getting an Xbox One to go alongside his PS4. Hey, I'm always trying hard in my pursuit of not being a dickhead, but I may have chirped about how the PS4 had some healthy indie games like Outlast that can keep you going between Triple A releases and how the Xbox One doesn't exactly match up to that.

But you need to understand that as much as I joke about being some cartoony hero, hellbent on saving helpless victims from the evil consoles.... I know, in my heart of hearts, that it's not my pejorative.

Don't listen to me. Do whatever the damn hell you want.

Just understand that I'm not jealous or bitter. If I had the money spare, I still wouldn't get an Xbox One or a PS4. It's not a financial thing.

At the end of it all, I want you to have as much fun as you possibly can on this often-times cold rock that flies through space. If you want to get an Xbox One, that's fine. If you want to get a PS4, that's fine.

I hope it's nice, and it makes you happy. Because thinking of people being made happy by video games makes me happy.

I hope you get it home and it turns on by itself, installed with thousands of your favourite games, and runs without electricity and serves iced coffee from 3pm onwards.

It's just not what I've been reading lately.

Video Game Muck-Around: Far Cry 3 Map Editor/ Playing-God Simulator.

Far Cry 3 is a fun game. Far Cry 3's map editor is also incredibly fun.

As I recall, Far Cry 2 had a similar editor and it literally gives you a massive chunk of land to build on. Naturally, the map editor becomes more fun is you play it with friends and even more fun if alcohol is involved.

I mean, I've never done that. But that's what I'm told.

So the first thing I do is make one hostile NPC with a knife and five allied bartenders with knives.

I put them on the edge of a cliff and play the map after turning on invulnerability and invisibility, so nobody has a pop at me.

It's pretty cool, three bartenders survive and the bad dude is dead.

 

Eh, it's not that cool. It's quite boring actually. So I shot all the bartenders for boring me. Then I moved all five NPC's to and incredibly large ledge and made them fight again.

 

This time, two of them fell off.

 

It was fun watching them fall down, but what if I put loads of explosives at the bottom?

 

 

AHAHA. The corpse hits the barrels and everything goes boom.

I did this for an hour or two. Then I went full on Jigsaw from Saw octilogy.

 

"Hello Generic Villager NPC. I want to play a game. Currently, you are standing on a metric fuckton of explosive fuel."

 

 

"I have edited in a car that is going to travel quickly down a slope and will eventually hit the explosives, blowing you up. Can you get out in time? Let the games begin, generic villager NPC."


Naturally, he didn't. And got blown miles skyward. It was the best.

After that I made several Molotov enemies fight other Molotov allies whilst surrounded with explosive barrels. Then I put one NPC around five hundred kerosene tanks that would straight-up rocket into him when I sniped a hole in them and leave him sprawling.

Oh god, it was the best.

 

Video Game Review: Bulletstorm: Epic Edition.

Ah, Bulletstorm, you misunderstood creature.


From the outset, it's a generic fps. However, one factor changes it all up and that's the ability to be all stylin' with your murderin'


Basically, from the outset of the game you get a thing which magically lasso's the crazy alien hordes into you. You then press a button to kick them in the face, making them ragdoll. Sometimes you can kick them into cacti, sometimes you can lasso them towards you, but because there is massive block of scaffolding covered in glass in between you and the enemy, the enemy gets skwooshed.

This is not a subtle and nuanced game. At all. This a game in which gameplay and fun try to hide the story under the carpet whilst the relatives are round and give it a firm kick if it lets out any kind of muffled noise from behind its ball gag.

You play as Meathead Mercenary with a bedhead and your goal is to get your Asian friend cured after he got kicked into and had to make himself a robot in order to survive. Like, he needs robo-oil every couple of hours

Ah, swearing thug one and an oriental machination. An ancient story as old as time itself, passed down through countless generations.

But do you know what? It's fine. Kicking enemies, lassoing them, kicking them again and just playing yo-yo with them until I can find something pointy to finally punt them at is a great laugh.
This was never going to win any awards on the writing.

Later on in the game, you come across snipers. These snipers have incredibly large bullets that travel and roughly half a centimetre per second.

I'm not lying. Time suddenly slows down when you shoot a bullet out of the gun and you can use the controls to manoeuvre the bullet.

During this time, your character is flat out invincible and I managed to get a camera angle of my character mindlessly being attacked as the bullet travelled.

So I just kept shooting the gun through tough parts because the enemies couldn't do anything. Hell, I could have shoved an ice-lolly stick under the directional pad and let the bullet travel in a circle. Forever. Then sat back and ate pizza pockets as Asian-Robocop spent hours fighting the baddies.

This game makes no sense.

But it was about £3, so I don't think I paid enough for sense when I got double scoopings of outrageous fun.

Sweet game.

Video Game Discussion: Sexism in Video Games #2.

I'd like to address a- Wait, wait a second. Uh, Yeah, I'm back by the way.

I'd like to address a topic that I've already touched upon and that's females and video games.

In particularly, I would like to focus on the idea that male gamers are rude and often insulting towards members of the opposite gender. Girls, I am referring to. Women.

Let's take a trip down to our local store.

I've never known why I've never seen purple LED lettering on anything else. Still, I can't flaw the company on their straight-to-the-point shop title. 

We're getting off topic.

Okay, so I go inside and grab a copy of probably Yoshi's New Island 3ds, Fable Anniversary or one of the many great games that are out this year because we're not going to get solid support for the Xbone or PS4 until 2015.

Then I toddle on over to the counter and find that there isn't a queue. In front of me, are two staff members.

Yeah, you know where this is going.

But I'm not doing this because I think all women are awful.

It's simply because I'm mildly threatened, intimidated and frightened.

I would like to say at this point that I am a twenty-one year old male with no kind of social phobia at all. 

It it shameful? Of course.

Is it wrong? Well....

Here's a message to all females. From all men.

"Dear All of the Females,

We don't know why you're suddenly a vocal audience within the videogame community. We understand that you've always been part and parcel of the community, but have now become exceedingly vocal.

In brutal honesty, we are afraid of you. This is because videogames were our way of escaping from everyday life in a potentially unhealthy way. Every day life included you. We, All of the Men, didn't really get along with you, All of the Females. This is because you made us, through no fault of your own, very self-conscious about our own shortcomings. 

Now you are part of our downtime and eclectic gaming communities, we feel a little bit.... fearful. We also feel a little bit sad and feel a twinge of regret. This is because there is so much time in which we could have been playing videogames, peacefully and cooperatively, simply enjoying each others company in a friendly, non-verbal and mildly competitive way. It has been unfair for females to be sidelined by society until around 2006, because it was "weird" for girls to openly admit to playing videogames before that point in time.

Yours sincerely,

All of the Males."

Unfortunately, us men often don't think things through long enough. So we think about it long enough until we feel threatened and then go

"Tits or gtfo."

"Oh great, a girl on our team"

"Mute ur mic."

"Increase the volume on ur mic."

Orrrrrr you get those creepy dudes who are always super-nice to girls as soon as they hear one on the mic, going so far as to pointlessly help them in game for hours.

Man, if I was a lady. I'd find that almost as bad as harassment. Maybe worse.

I want it to be known that yes there'll always be dickbags. But a lot of online gaming hatred comes from the most nervous of mouths.

Think about a man attending an all-females ballet club. Would anything the girls directed at him be anything more than them feeling self-conscious and worried about their own little microcosm? (Fuckin' love that word. It means, like, mini-society or whatever.)

"Poof!"

"Settle down, Sally."

"Gaylord!"

"Calm down, Susan."

"I bet you wouldn't be able to have sex with me!"

"That's enough, Margaret!"

Also, that might be the best premise for a porno ever.

But yeah, gender discrimination is bad.

Why can't we all just be happy and all play Mario Kart 8 together at 10pm, sat under a blanket and eating Rice Krispies whilst Paul falls off Rainbow Road for the eighteen hundredth time?

Seriously Paul, sort that shit out right now.