Video Game Review: Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel.

Borderlands is somehow the gifted problem child of the video game world. It's incredibly open and free to traverse however you please and the cel shaded environments are designed to please whilst flipping the bird to the people who buy annual instalments of Call of Duty or Assassin's Creed to see how many threads in a t-shirt can be rendered or how many polygons are in a nearby rock.

Oh yeah, how's Unity working out for you, Ass Creed fans?

At this point I think there's been a misunderstanding with the dev team who went with the working title Assassin's Creed Made On Unity, but that wouldn't even explain the number of bugs in this game.

Going off topic, main point is that I have no sympathy for those who bought the game whilst review embargoes were up. Shop smarter, goddamn it.

Anyway, Borderlands the Pre-Sequel carries on, carrying back, before the events of Borderlands 2. You assist the villain from the Borderlands 2 in his rise to power which is an interesting premise. It was made by 2K Australia, the Australian branch of 2K games who spent time making the game WHILST Borderlands 2 was being designed, which is why this game was released after only a year after the release of the second game.

Granted, the characters are all fresh in your mind, and that may have been the idea given the number of self-referential jokes throughout Borderlands: The Presequel.

Oh and it's in space, and everyone has an Austalian accent and the O2 kits that keep you breathing in between lunar air pockets and atmosphere bubbles are called Oz kits. Oz as in down under. Oz as in Australia. Oz as in, we-are-trying-to-be-funny-do-you-get-our-jokes-please-get-our-jokes-we've-tried-to-put-them-in-everything.

You play as one of four vault hunters, Claptrap, Athena, Wilhelm or Nisha who all have their own play styles and are designed for different types of players. Same story as always, which is a bit sad. Change it up a bit, fellas!

Granted, the game is fairly big. However, it does feel a little bit of an under budgeted version of Borderlands 2. This isn't helped by the fact that it is, by definition, an under-budgeted version of Borderlands 2.

There are some neat twists though, such as Cryo. 

Cryo is a new enemy freezing type which allows you to break and smash your foes in a satisfying manner. Oz kits also allow you to double jump and "butt-slam" enemies for damage at the expense of Oxygen.

Cryo replaces Slag as an elemental type, Scav replaces Bandit as a weapon type, Moonstone replaces Eridium, Oz Kits replace Relics and I'm left wondering why this game cut so much from the second game when they could have left everything in and given it all a place for added customisation. 

Badass ranks remain exactly the same, (For the uninitiated, Badass ranks are rank levels the player gets for doing anything from opening boxes to kill enemies with barrels which then give the player bonuses.) This all very well and good, but there are no additional stats this time around. The game could have added faster player speed, increased player jump height, more vehicle damage, specific elemental damage increase, specific elemental chance effect, specific weapon damage, better vehicle accuracy or a bunch other stats, Just heighten the percentage increase after you rank up and then leave it at a flat rate like 5% so I give a damn. Twenty stat boosts are great. But I want two hundred. And I even got a notebook out and found that it is perfectly possible to do just that.

DON'T CALL ME SAD. I WORK ON PERFECTING SKINNER BOXES IN MY SPARE TIME.

Randomise them if you have to, so that players have to specify in specific weapon skills/vehicles.

So Brad uses shotguns because he has +10% damage with shotguns, Bob drives vehicles around because he can drive +10% faster and shoot +15% faster with vehicles and Mark uses snipers because of all the bonuses he's got for snipers. Multiplayer matches would be a lot more fun, with experienced players being incredibly overpowered and sought out for their hardcore bonuses.

Hell, make it so that I can transfer my badass rank from Borderlands 2 and get a halved version in Borderlands : The Pre-Sequel so that I become better and better not just as I get through the game, but better as I progress through the SERIES.

This is how you make video game veterans who will buy your product addictively, instead of pulling bullshit like having enemies enemies dropping customisation skins to use with the DLC you haven't bought.

That can fuck RIGHT OFF.

Hey, maybe even cap badass rank at 50 badass tokens instead of making it more and more tedious to rank up as the rewards drop off until you lose interest and turn the game off.

Woo. 0.5% Accuracy. ugh. So pumped. Yeah. Go me oh yeah I guess. I do so love your enthusiasm for creating a balanced game instead of something fun and that I was planning to fricken' ENJOY.

Add in an item that allows the player to get extra randomised ranks so that they can choose how they rank up. Players like a decision on what they like doing and maybe find themselves doing it more if you didn't stop giving rank points for it. I mean it's better than Destiny's shitty system but it's far from perfect.

Maybe make that in-game item buyable with the Eridium you got rid of for no fucking reason, opting to change a pointless currency for another one instead of finding a place for everything you've worked so hard to develop.

Give the player the option to unlock a relic slot for moonstones or whatever.

The phrase "Throwing baby out with the bathwater" has never been so accurate.

Apart from that, it's incredibly fun. In fact, I will admit that it is much more frenetic and fast paced with flying enemies everywhere. 

Well, usually fun. Apart from the occasional death from being knocked into bottomless chasms that have you yelling "BULLSHIT" at the TV. But yeah, that's Borderlands.

Conclusion? More of the same, for better or for worse.

£24.99 at GAME. Try CEX for lower.

Video Game Review: Gothic 4: Arcania.

Oh, Gothic. You poor and misunderstood creature.

So poor that literally nobody outside of Poundland shoppers who happened to have some spare time in September know about you.

Yes. This an RPG for the Xbox 360 that I picked up from Poundland.

But goddamn, it was the best one hundred English pennies that I have ever spent.

First of all, the storyline is balls-to-the-wall accidental hilarity from the user manual containing a pointless two-page story of a bored barmaid to the actual broken glitchy gameplay.

After the main character (who I don't even think HAD a name) is introduced, you go on a series of pointless quests to kill Molerats, an enemy stolen, name and semi-model, from an entirely different game. Then you do quests by running to different objective (or rolling, because it is disturbingly faster.)

After that, you go into a cave and a magical woman tells you that you are the chosen one because you are "particularly good at killing things and can gain stats unlike other people in the world."

I'm not joking, that was genuine dialogue from the game.

Then I talked to someone and my character smiled, but the smile froze and was stuck on the character's face for the rest of the game.

After that, the island burns down.

The island, in the middle of the ocean, burns down.

Then my character washes up on some sort of beach, his pregnant wife, family and friends all dead.

The voice actor screams whilst my character's head pops up onto the screen, still with the "dialogue smile" stuck on his face and his mouth unmoving.

I laughed for five straight minutes until I couldn't see past the tears in my eyes.

From then on, the story necessitates that you enter into this fort, but climb the mountain to get something for the man guarding the fort, otherwise he won't let you in.

After half-climbing the mountain, I jumped over the games invisible wall on a high up hillock and somehow accessed the games SUPER SECRET SNOWBOARDING LEVEL.

Basically, the character stood still and somehow slid across the map until I managed to direct him to a cliff face where he fell into the aforementioned fort I was supposed to breaking into.

Since the door was barred, I was wondering how to get back, I talked to the guardsman at the gates who yelled "YOU'RE NOT COMING IN." over and over, despite the fact that I was, very clearly, in.

Then I just walked into the door until my character's arm got stuck, spasmed and caused him to shoot across the map and die.

I did this multiple times, also landing in the river.

If you land in water in Arcania 4, this happens.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLH9ZFKQvlg

It's just too funny.

10/10 game. I would recommend to everyone of all ages, forever.

Not even sure if I'm joking at this point.

Oh and the graphics are clearly better than Destiny's, so there's that.

Video Game Review: Destiny.

I'm ready to review it now.

Not as a Level 17/18 who just finished the campaign, but as a Level 24 with three Legendary weapons.
And you know how I feel about Destiny?

"10 year plan!" the Bungie execs said, whilst playing in their office ball pit or swimming around in the indoor swimming pool at Bungie HQ. It's the perfect MMO! This is the new generation, baby!

I've played MMO's. And this is a 6/10. And that is being generous.

See it all comes down to the grind. The treadmill.

The treadmill is what keeps you engaged in an MMO outside of the main storyline. It's usually in the form of character development, gaining stats or points or better weapons for your character. It is hard to be invested in an MMO without a treadmill.

Destiny's treadmill of choice is gear. Gear is everything.

They even have a unique system called The Grimoire, in which you gain passive bonuses such as better weapon experience, more materials from gathering nodes, etc, etc. Grimoire Points overall increase your likelihood of better gear drops. Groovy.

However, nobody knows or cares because it isn't in-game and you have to log on to Bungie.net, type in your password and sign in with PSN or the Facingbook or whatever you rascals are using these days.

It is capped at Rank 3, meaning that any enemies you kill that spawn on all of the planets become pretty much moot after a while.

Well done, Bungie. You officially fucked up.

Here's what you should have done.

- Add an in-game computer to the hub world. You can check Grimoire progress and see which bonuses are active.

- Grimoire Ranks are no longer capped at Rank 3. If you kill an extra number of enemies, dependent on their level and skill, you will continue to gain ranks. You will no longer gain Grimoire points for drops but will instead gain bonuses. For example,

Enemy Kill-Based Grimoire Bonus:

+5% Damage to Enemy.
+10% extra Glimmer from Glimmer based consumables.
+1% chance of Glimmer from Enemy.

Weapon Bonuses:

5% extra Weapon experience from weapon kills.
2% chance of Weapon dealing extra damage.
1% chance of Weapon automatically reloading without pause.

Area Based Bonuses (For every 1000 extra enemies killed on every planet):
+10% chance of extra materials from this area on top of your existing 2 materials.


This is to stop players from being lulled into a sense that they no longer need to fight against certain enemy factions due to a full grimoire and thus play the game less.

As extra "treadmill" fixing, all enemy ranks have the chance of giving an extra bonus.

+1% chance of dealing extra Weapon damage against a Fallen/Vex/Cabal/Hive boss.

It is supposedly easier to get these extra bonuses by ranking up your kills with minions of the boss subtype. For example, Centurion kill ranks would be more likely to give you the extra bonus of extra damage against a Cabal boss when you rank up.

Some bonuses will be rarer than others, but are otherwise randomised. You do not know what extra bonus/bonuses you will get until you rank up.

There we go. Now there's an incentive to actually play the game instead of just join strike and raid queues. It makes it a game where you can make your character infinitely stronger and therefore much more likely to be invited into groups. Grinding and playing solo should be a viable option.

This is basic game design. You make the treadmill, you make the game better, you extend the playable hours.

Additionally, the invisible walls in the game suck, as well as the "TURN BACK" messages you get from simply trying to get over a small lunar hillock to get to the other side.

Also, you can't join raids unless you have a large group of online friends.

It's a little bit... embarrassing really. £49.99 demo pretty much cuts a fine description.

I just expect more from an MMO.