Video Game Idea: Pokemon's Gym Leader-ator.

So who are the coolest people in Pokemon? Not the trainers, not the Pokemon professors. Not even the Team Rocket/Plasma/Magma/Aqua/Flare whatever.

It was always the gym leaders. They were awesome.

They had the coolest music, they had their own badges and special moves they gave to you if you beat them and it felt like a challenge. (Growing up it did. Now my Pokemon level up far too quickly.)

Plus they had the coolest Pokemon. I remember Lt Surge using a Raichu and all I could think is "What the hell is that thing?! I haven't seen that one before! It looks badass!"

So what if, after you've completed the game, you got the option to make your own gym?

Or maybe as you progressed through the game, you got more and more options for gym leader creation.

Let me walk you through it.

Ok, so you've got your first badge and you gain the option to make your character a gym leader. It'll be online in a social hub where people can choose to fight you. So someone else in America might be playing on their 3ds and decide to fight you as a gym leader. They click on you and the battle is initiated. 

When you get your second badge, your options expand a little. You can pick a small basic house that the player who clicks on you will be warped to. They can then stroll up to you and choose to battle you. You can choose a couple of basic layouts from a small abandoned shed to a mini silo to a plain house.

When you get your third badge, you can choose your gym leader sprite from a select few such as Ace Trainer/Hiker/Kid/Old Man which will appear for the trainer to battle with. Just a fun customization option.

When you get your fourth badge, you can make your own badge with the 3DS stylus! The badges online players get from beating you will be stored in a different badge case that's essentially bottomless.

With the fifth badge, you unlock more sprite options, more options for your gym layout and more colours/designs for your gym badge. You can also buy accessories to help with the layout of your gym and choose a theme for it.

With the sixth badge, you can design your own NM. NM's are like TM's or HM's but they're designed by the player and you can choose the name, type, damage -accuracy ratio and the animation of the move. This will be given to opponents who face you in your personal gym.

With the seventh badge, you can write dialogue for your gym leader sprite. Naughty words are banned.

With the eighth badge, players that lose to you will pay you 2000 pokedollars that will go straight into your players moneycase. Players that beat you will get an extra reward, however. You can't decide the beneficial effect that is bestowed upon the winning opponent but they can include:

- Pokemon slowly restore hp by 1 point every hour.

- Every week your character receives two hundred Pokedollars.

- Ten unlockable gym leader sprites for them.

- Fifty unlockable gym items for the opponents gym to make it look pretty.

- A free endless Hyper Potion that restores itself at the end of each fortnight.

- A Pokeball every Tuesday.

- A random rare item every month.

These will be on rotation and the dueling trainer has no say in what they get. All evenly distributed. Your gym leader sprite will have a randomly allocated one.

Kind of like the Badass rank system in Borderlands 2. It has a soft cap, but can technically go on forever.

I like the idea. Maybe I should e-mail Nintendo?

Video Game Glitches: GTA Online

I wanted to take this time to thank you all for reading. I've got over 500 hits in the short time this blog has been active.

I'd like to say a big thank you to my 265 home-boys in the UK, my 196 brotherz-from-another-motherz the US of A. 16 Indonesians, 6 Frenchmen, 2 Brazilians, Canadians, Germans and Ukrainians as well as someone in Italy and someone in Romania.

Also, some maniac is viewing the every other week from an iPod. Dude. How are you even doing that?

You know who you are and you should feel good about yourself for having such great taste in pointless and rambling blogs.

Anyway, I found a glitch earlier this month that I totally forgot to show you guys. It revolves around this house.

Basically, the gate mesh texture is all blehblehnoIdon'twannaworkproperly and you can merrily stroll right in.

Keep on going. Forget logic. Logic is your bitch right now.

If you make it to the other side, you'll fall through the ground until your waist goes through the pathway.

Wiggle your character a little, and you should fall straight through the entire world only to spawn back either on the road outside or on the nearby beach behind the house. Just a neat little thing. Thought I'd share.

Video Game Thoughts: Nudity in Video Games

So I don't know if you've heard the news but Ellen Page, the 26 year old Canadian actress, is sueing Sony due to her leaked naked pictures of her in the video game Beyond: Two Souls. Here's the offending picture, with the necessary censorship put in place by some unknown forum.

I know what you're wondering.You're wondering how naked pictures of the actress can be "leaked" if they're in the game. The answer to that is a very interesting one, worth mentioning in this discussion.

There is no scene in which you see Ellen Page naked in Beyond: Two Souls. 

Let me explain. Beyond: Two Souls is a cinematic game very much in the vein of Heavy Rain. Indeed, it was made by Quantic Dream and written/directed by David Cage. Both were.

Ellen Page agreed to have her likeness used in a video game. She agreed to have her voice used as well.

The shower scene in the game is supposed to be tactful. It's supposed to contain camera angles and cinematography techniques that would not show her breasts.

But we live in a world in which not everything is dandy and people own debugged PS3's. 

Some hacked consoles allow players to MOVE THE CAMERA ANGLE.

And we ended up with this picture and presumably others.

Ellen Page found out about this and threatened to sue Sony. She probably won't. Streisand Effect. Her agents/lawyers will advise her not to in order to keep the incident away from the general public. But should she? Should she sue Sony, the Japanese company who made the PS3? Or Quantic Dream, the French studio who made the game? Or David Cage, the American who wrote the game?

One thing worth mentioning is that Ellen Page apparently did not give Cage permission to design a fully naked sculpt of her in the first place. This just makes this even more confusing and makes me worry if David Cage has naked sculpts of me, my family and everyone I know and care about.

Was Ellen not told about the shower scene when she was reading the script? Was it omitted? Did she think her character would shower whilst clothed? Is it childish for an actor to insist that they are taken seriously whilst opening a lawsuit because a game company portrayed her in the buff?

Is it technically HER in the game anyway?

It's her voice, yes. It's her face, yes. But it's not her naked body. It's a CG sculpt that an artist made. Is this any different from someone doodling some boobies with a pencil and slapping a picture of Ellen Page's face on it? Is it the fact that it's closer to resembling Ellen Page? Do the graphics contribute in any way to this potential court case? There are no easy answers and it is definitely one of the most controversial topics I've come across in a long time. By all means, weigh in with your own opinions in the comments.

I'm looking forward to reading them.

Video Game Muck-About: GTA Online #3

Okay, so straight into the game and I'm given a thousand dollars. I think this is a daily thing. Not sure.

Anyway, I'm out of the garage and looking to rob the nearest shop.
It's one on the corner and several old ladies are crowding the door. Obviously I ran and jump into them and several of them go flying through the glass door as it shatters all over the place.
I didn't even need to get my gun out, the cashier was already emptying the till into a plastic bag. But I took a shotgun out anyway.

After that, I'm off and away.

Ooh. Pretty countryside.

Anywho, I ditch the car and hide under a bridge until the cops go away. I then spot a large red fiat chugging down the road ridden by some. Mine. I throw the driver out and start driving towards the Grand Senora.

I use the car to rob three more shops up until the desert. That's when the car starts falling to pieces on the road. Literally half the thing fell apart in transit from joint two to joint three. It was terrifying.

In desperation, I accelerate over hill and land on top of the freight train that's casually meandering around the map. As the train goes off, the cops have no idea where I went.

Car is a wreck though.

Isn't she a beaut?

I mean, she obviously isn't but you can just SEE the adventures that me and the car had scratched into the metalwork right there. How could I possibly destroy or abandon this car? No, this car needs a proper send off. It needs to be immortalized and revered. This was the epic jump car. It deserves to be treated with respe

HIT IT WITH A TRAIN.

So then I found the rainbow parachute that's always left on that bridge and jumped off down the ravine.

Must have gone about half a mile or something. Well fun. As long as you remember to press "X"/"A"

But he threw the parachute off! It costs $500 per parachute in this game! And he just takes it off and throws it to the ground like some sort of stupidly large nylon candy wrapper! It's not on. Shouldn't be in a ditch.

Then I walked.

Ugh, this game is too big.

And walked.

UGH, THIS GAME IS TOO BIG.

On the walk back I met my friends Jose and Hernando. Here they are. What nice and happy folk they were.

Jose offered me some of his jam sandwich on the way back. Hernando was messy and got some on my car.

                                                                  Silly Hernando.

Then Jose decided to have a relaxing dip in the river under a bush and Hernando decided to sunbathe.

They wanted to continue doing that for sometime. So I got to a road and continued down the ocean highway.

Until I got to a row of shops. Unfortunately, a player in a helicopter was blasting out RPGs and so nobody was really in the mood to serve me.

Eventually I walked into the gun store and bought a new SMG and got some new gear from the clothing store.

Nope.

That's better. Without the cap, I mean. It's not better with loads of injuries.

Basically, RPG guy came back with a friend. I got hit by a rocket in the face and sprayed with some sort of carbine and respawned in Chumash looking worse than the average boyband comeback tour.

Still, I found my new car!

I'll never let this one leave my side. I'll just park her in my garage as soon as I get the catch to do it.

I got the pacific ocean confused with my garage. Easy mistake.

Here's a selfie of a guy taking a selfie and a woman trying to smoke a rectangular cigarette.

I made some new friends!

Then they all had heart attacks and suddenly bullet holes appeared in them for no reason.

It wasn't me officer. I was just stood here taking selfies the whole time!

The police believed me and arrested someone else. Meanwhile, two teenagers showed up with one tweeting on her phone about how much it sucked that their favourite relaxation spot was covered with corpses.

Some people can be so inconsiderate of others.

Video Game Review: GTA Online #2

In fairness, it's not really a review is it? It's me mucking around in game and with snapmatic. So anyway, loaded up the game and was immediately kicked from the server after leaving my garage.

BEHOLD! MY GARAGE!

It can store about three cars, has an internet connection and acts as my spawning point whenever I log into GTA Online. It's not like some of the fancier ones you can drive firetrucks into and save ten cars.

But it's my garage. It may only cost $50 a day to maintain and $24,000 to buy. But it's mine, goddamn it.

So anyway, after I entered into another session I left my garage to find a man in a hockey mask just standing outside. He took a couple of swings at me, several of them connected, but then I got my crowbar out.

I still have no idea how my character got a crowbar, but I think it was from some character in a deathmatch and the game didn't properly take it away from my character after the match ended. In any case, it's good.

I walked away to look for a gun store. I had 14k, so I purchased a new suppressor for my pistol to go with the flashlight attachment. 

I still need the extended magazine though.

After that, I left to find the Jason Voorhees impersonator standing outside and riddled me with uzi bullets. I was down to a scrap of health and then just popped him in the head.

I wish you could have seen it. Just one shot and he went down like a sack of spuds. His head bounced on a potted plant as well. So bonus points for that I guess. He then continued to follow me. I hid behind a wall and just leaned out, firing five shots into his torso and he was down again.

After that it was time to ride out to raid shops.

Being a little bit "eccentric", I had mapped out the best cluster of shops to rob from on the map you get with the game. I got the first one with no trouble. Then I ran out into a hail of bullets after I shot the cashier in the second shop and emptied the till myself. 

I was riding to the third shop with the slightest sliver of health. I sprinted in, got shot in the back and headbutted the shopkeeper in the face as I went down. 

You know in my book, that counts. That's three stores robbed all with one four star rating on my head.

So I had some money and then some American decides to shoot me in the head.

Naturally, I walked headlong into his car, shot him in the head with a combat shotgun, endured the rolling vehicle knocking me over, stole his Aston Martin and sold it for 8k. Then I got kicked for griefing. Worth it.

Here's some pictures from the desert store robbing sesh.

Sorry if they're shaky. I was, you know, being shot at during the shots. So it's expected really.

After I pawned the car and entered another session, I went and got myself a makeover with the extra dollar.

No virtual Charlie, I'm not convinced it was better than your previous outfit either.

Then I stole a car and hit it into a wall so fast that the door broke off and got lodged in the concrete.

I then climbed on the wall and got flipped off by the heavily spasming glitched door and into a cluster of garbage cans.

So I had to walk.

Awww yeahhhh. Bought an Uzi, flashlight, bullets for shotguns, uzi's and pistols.

Then I got involved in a high speed chase and got knocked between two pillars and shot to bits. In fairness, could anyone get out of this?

Finally, I found out about a hilarious and broken mechanic.

I jumped into a civilian and he tried to fight me. He punched me in the face and a nearby security guard drew his gun and shot him full of holes.

I then went around jumping into strangers, randomly starting fights and then leading them to the security guard, who would riddle them with lead and I could take their money. Genius.

My piece de la resistance was at a little security check in.

I jumped into a worker, he punched me, he got shot to death.

See those ambulance men? I started jumping into them and they tried to fight me. Then the security guard shot and killed the ambulance crew who had arrived to take away the person he'd just shot and killed. And I'm just jumping around having the time of my life. 

The best part was that he only had to kill one of them. A driver sped up and completely flattened the other paramedic when he heard gunshots.

It was fantastic.

Another day in GTA. I love this game.

Video Game Review: GTA Online

Yesterday, seventy four people tuned into to read my thoughts about Pokemon Y and shoved my readership numbers into roughly, approximately, about three hundred and twenty-five exactly, precisely, right at the time of writing this.

Potentially you only clicked on this because you had nothing else to do and wondered why a grown man would play a children's game, read a few words and then clicked off of the article completely bored.

That's okay. I'm just glad I got to be a part of your evening. Whether you're on a laptop, a personal computer or even wi-fi adapted tablet, I hope you're having a wonderful night.

And according to my statsheets, several of you are reading this from iPhones. That takes dedication, fans.

Tonight I'm going to be talking about Grand Theft Auto 5: Online. That was until I read about the horrible effects that videogames are having on teenagers, bending and breaking their vulnerable mind like half-frozen playdough.

So I wanted to make this a special report about how videogames do not cause teenagers, or young adults such as myself, to go on violent killing sprees.


Coming at you loud and live from Abattoir Avenue, this is me and my ride for tonight. She's a beaut. See those wheels? Yeah. Custom rims. Check it.

Let's hit the road.

That wonderful 1920 x 1080 High-Definition road.

Anyway, let's go to the Grand Senora Desert so I can convince you just how little impact videogame violence has on impressionable people like myself.

See that man I ran over? I mean, LOOK AT THOSE GRAPHICS. You would see blood effects like those on REAL cars. So why would I need to go around running people over when the graphical improvements of GTA Online showcase the real-life effects of running people over?

See what I'm getting at?

I don't need to kill anyone because the killing is so detailed. The only real thing missing is remorse, so I just poked myself in the eyes several times in order to illicit human tears.

It's hard to get this through to you properly though. If only you could see the way the car responds to environmental damage like walls, other cars, post boxes or-

So the cyclist tried to get up so I shot him in the face repeatedly. 

BUT LOOK AT MY BROKEN HEADLIGHT. LOOK AT IT.

Why would I ever need to knock a cyclist twenty meters off his bike when I can just turn on my PS3 and see it happening for myself with realistic damage to the cyclist. He even sat up and cried whilst I pointed my gun (with flashlight, obv.) at him and mentioned something about having a family. Didn't really listen though. LOL!

Anyway, I left the desert and headed for the motorway, but a man screaming in a foreign language and driving a car in the colours of the Brazilian national flag rammed me into the wall. I got out to pop the fool and then a helicopter came out of nowhere and shot a missile at me. It flew straight over my head but hit an oncoming freighter carrying a large tanker of oil. It immediately blew up and shot towards me as I sprinted away, pistol still in hand. I wasn't fast enough, of course, and got smeared across the pavement in seconds.

I didn't manage to record it because GTA has no way to record, but here's a real-time picture for you.

My character respawned nearby and began to look really sad. Like it was upset or something. I didn't feel anything though. Bit odd.

I wonder what it was thinking?

I'll get it a new car and maybe we'll do another chapter of this tomorrow.

Video Game Review: Pokemon Y

Because I've got over two hundred views on this blog, nothing to praise and yet nothing to put-down, I'm writing my review of Pokemon Y early. Even though it is a Sunday. There will still be a review on Tuesday. A review of either Far Cry 3, Animal Crossing: New Leaf or a review of the growing mould above my bed.

Gripping stuff.

I'd like to take the time to thank you for reading my reviews. The few of you who've purposely clicked on the links I've shared and take the time to read these things have my utmost respect.
The rest of you I'll just assume visit this blog due to spilling hot beverages on your keyboard and mashing keys whilst wiping it down with a towel, you found this by sheer accident, you're some sort of automated blog-counter bot or you found this in some sort of hunt for niche porn involving insomniacs from Great Britain. In which case, click off this right now and keep on trucking, you crazy diamond in the rough.

So Pokemon should really need no explanation. You hunt Pokemon, over 700 now and can battle and trade them with your friends.
One of the main things I like about this game is that it feels very Pokemon-y.
There's no other way to say it. It just, I don't know man, it just FEELS like Pokemon. Earlier games like Pearl and Diamond had features that turned it into altogether different beasts. I spent hours playing the underground mining game but when someone tapped me on the shoulder to ask what I was playing, it honestly took me a second to remember.

There are a few things you should know about Pokemon X and Y right out of the gate.

The sprites are 3d now. All of them. Meaning that Pokemon battles look and feel responsive, as does catching new Pokemon.
I found myself putting my 3DS down and arching my hand through the air as my character threw a ball and it felt good. 
I had my misgivings about it, feeling that it might cheapen the experience a bit, given the graphical processing power of the DS to make ANYTHING in 3 dimensions that doesn't look like a complete mess such as Sims: Pets, Over The Hedge and Final Fantasy 3. (FF3 was still pretty good though.)

You can also move the 3d sprite of the Pokemon around on the Pokedex and examine it. This seems like a small feature to add, but I am both petty and easily amused.

The 3D is confusing. There wil be times when you're using the stereoscopic slider, convinced that the 3d isn't working, but then you'll find points where it really is working.

In addition, the game is much bigger in terms of endgame and you'll find that your Pokemon are working their way towards the more serious end of Level 40 after the third gym. The elite four, the people you face at the end, will most likely have high level Pokemon, especially considering the elite four in Pokemon Pearl only started at a piddling Level 40 and went up to 55. This'll probably be good ol' fashioned 55 to 70.

I do not know yet, for I have not completed the game. Getting close though.

You can also take pictures with Phil the Photo Guy and move the camera around some designated spots to take pictures of your character, which you can fully customise from hair colour to bag, to hat button, to hat colour, to jacket, to trousers and probably some more options I haven't found yet.

Here's me riding a Lapras

You can also zoom the camera in and out and change the brightness of it. I could have made the subject focus that island in the background instead of me, if I had wished to.

Have a few more for reading this far.

It's an addictive game, with plenty of Pokemon available and the option to transfer your Pokemon from Black or White if you have the cartridges. the whole GTS (Global Trade Station) has been revamped and is no longer and in-game building, but an option from the menu. You can use Wonder Trade and trade a Pokemon for a Pokemon from a random trainer. You have no control over what you receive, so it really is a lucky dip. You may find loads of terrible Level 1 Zigzagoons or awful Bidoofs or you may get Haunters and Machokes, which will pleasingly evolve as soon as you receive them.

You can also trade and battle with friends on your friend lists or strangers over the internet. Periodically, Nintendo will give out free Pokemon through Mystery Gift and seem more readied to give out lots of Pokemon in comparison to Pokemon Black/White.

In the lower touchscreen, you can play minigames. You can use Pokemon Amie to groom and feed your Pokemon, making it like you more, then press the touchscreen to see who's currently online, then press it again to train your Pokemon using punching bags, which you will receive at random intervals and raise Pokemon stats.

I'd recommend this game to any Pokemon fans. It's a touch to the past games, and yet a nod to the future of them.