Video Game Review: GTA Online #2

In fairness, it's not really a review is it? It's me mucking around in game and with snapmatic. So anyway, loaded up the game and was immediately kicked from the server after leaving my garage.

BEHOLD! MY GARAGE!

It can store about three cars, has an internet connection and acts as my spawning point whenever I log into GTA Online. It's not like some of the fancier ones you can drive firetrucks into and save ten cars.

But it's my garage. It may only cost $50 a day to maintain and $24,000 to buy. But it's mine, goddamn it.

So anyway, after I entered into another session I left my garage to find a man in a hockey mask just standing outside. He took a couple of swings at me, several of them connected, but then I got my crowbar out.

I still have no idea how my character got a crowbar, but I think it was from some character in a deathmatch and the game didn't properly take it away from my character after the match ended. In any case, it's good.

I walked away to look for a gun store. I had 14k, so I purchased a new suppressor for my pistol to go with the flashlight attachment. 

I still need the extended magazine though.

After that, I left to find the Jason Voorhees impersonator standing outside and riddled me with uzi bullets. I was down to a scrap of health and then just popped him in the head.

I wish you could have seen it. Just one shot and he went down like a sack of spuds. His head bounced on a potted plant as well. So bonus points for that I guess. He then continued to follow me. I hid behind a wall and just leaned out, firing five shots into his torso and he was down again.

After that it was time to ride out to raid shops.

Being a little bit "eccentric", I had mapped out the best cluster of shops to rob from on the map you get with the game. I got the first one with no trouble. Then I ran out into a hail of bullets after I shot the cashier in the second shop and emptied the till myself. 

I was riding to the third shop with the slightest sliver of health. I sprinted in, got shot in the back and headbutted the shopkeeper in the face as I went down. 

You know in my book, that counts. That's three stores robbed all with one four star rating on my head.

So I had some money and then some American decides to shoot me in the head.

Naturally, I walked headlong into his car, shot him in the head with a combat shotgun, endured the rolling vehicle knocking me over, stole his Aston Martin and sold it for 8k. Then I got kicked for griefing. Worth it.

Here's some pictures from the desert store robbing sesh.

Sorry if they're shaky. I was, you know, being shot at during the shots. So it's expected really.

After I pawned the car and entered another session, I went and got myself a makeover with the extra dollar.

No virtual Charlie, I'm not convinced it was better than your previous outfit either.

Then I stole a car and hit it into a wall so fast that the door broke off and got lodged in the concrete.

I then climbed on the wall and got flipped off by the heavily spasming glitched door and into a cluster of garbage cans.

So I had to walk.

Awww yeahhhh. Bought an Uzi, flashlight, bullets for shotguns, uzi's and pistols.

Then I got involved in a high speed chase and got knocked between two pillars and shot to bits. In fairness, could anyone get out of this?

Finally, I found out about a hilarious and broken mechanic.

I jumped into a civilian and he tried to fight me. He punched me in the face and a nearby security guard drew his gun and shot him full of holes.

I then went around jumping into strangers, randomly starting fights and then leading them to the security guard, who would riddle them with lead and I could take their money. Genius.

My piece de la resistance was at a little security check in.

I jumped into a worker, he punched me, he got shot to death.

See those ambulance men? I started jumping into them and they tried to fight me. Then the security guard shot and killed the ambulance crew who had arrived to take away the person he'd just shot and killed. And I'm just jumping around having the time of my life. 

The best part was that he only had to kill one of them. A driver sped up and completely flattened the other paramedic when he heard gunshots.

It was fantastic.

Another day in GTA. I love this game.